Archive for April 1st, 2009


My Gmail account has been receiving its share of spam email. It’s not a huge amount, and it’s all filtered out of my Inbox, so I don’t care that much.

But yesterday I went perusing the subject lines in that Junk mail folder, and it was wonderful.

I would love to be able to draw even so well as to do something akin to the long-dormant spamusement.com – but instead, I shall attempt to discern the meanings behind the subject lines.


Don’t let your organ let you down

   Because if that high E flat is out of tune as you try to perform Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Mozart will rise from the grave and beat you to death with a shovel.

Nothing can seduce women faaster than a … 

   … redundant A.

Put your doughnut in her oven

    Buns are just so passé. 

What was the idea?

    Bacon-scented douches. It really didn’t convince the marketing team.

Your clothes are upside down.

   Kudos – or something – on being able to fit your waist through the head hole of that sweater. However, I may never be able to figure out exactly what you’ve done with those pants.

Your perfect wow gift

   A ShamWow, now with free punch in the face.

Common habits of successful CEOs

   …none of which you will ever be able to afford. You’ll just have to take it from us that doing blow off a Swedish stripper’s rear on your private jet is a really great experience. Can’t wait to tell my buddies in Congress.

North Korean submarine fired a missle

   Km Jong L descrbed as ecstatc wth results. In related news, alphabet atrophy; is it real, and are you at risk?

A giant, snow-covered banjo

   was found Tuesday morning next to the body of a slain yeti. Other area yeti disavow any responsibility for the tragic death, but insist that “dude had it coming. Fifteen years and he still couldn’t play the fucking Deliverance theme.”

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